shyness & self consiousness
Thu, 13 Nov 2003, 09:26 pmAndrea14 posts in thread
shyness & self consiousness
Thu, 13 Nov 2003, 09:26 pmI am struggling through life because of my shyness. I was raised in a strict catholic family and not allowed to have friends over or go places. I am now in my early 30's and struggling with few friends and I sabotage every wonderful career opportunity that's come my way....which have been a lot. I panic and then pass the opportunity to someone else. The problem I've encountered recently over and over again is people when I meet them saying to me, "are you alright, you look like you're going to have a breakdown, or relax, and they pick up on my problem. I don't know what's happening, but I used to be able to disguise it more and now I'm becoming even more fearful of meeting new people etc. because of all of these recent comments. I just want to hide more. They seem to be happening with almost everyone. I recently put on some weight so I attribute this to that...that my self image has gone down. To sum it up, I am so tired of holding myself back in life this way. It is so painful to know that I am living with this problem and I want to change. What do I do to change this? Any advice as to what's happening with me and I attribute my shyness to the environment I grew up in, am I correct? (although my brothers are not this way) Please help!
Re: The Artist's Way
Sat, 22 Nov 2003, 11:37 pmWalter Plinge
Mya, when I refer to ego, I don't mean conceited or selfishness, I mean in the Freudian sense - the part of the personality that is conscious of the environment and adapts to it. Sorry if it's a bit technical, unlike you're, indeed, band aid solutions. Double band aid solutions.
You one minute tell someone that "it's okay to be screwed up, I understand!", and then give advice that is completely impractical for someone who is locked up in a world of insecurity, isolation and self consciousness. HOW DOES THIS PERSON JUST SUDDENLY LAUNCH THEMSELVES UPON THE WORLD AND MAKE FRIENDS AND BE THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION? It sounds like you read too many Cosmopolitans and the like. Cut your teeth on Dolly magazine at first?
Your solutions call for Andrea to have tools that she patently doesn't have. But she takes your advice, fails, and can now just add that failure to the list, and wonder all over again, what is wrong with her that she can't interact with people, that they don't like her, etc. If it works for people like you, Mya, and not for her, who will Andrea blame? You? No, she will blame herself, and hate herself more.
And what is wrong with recommending someone to get professional help? Where are you from? What backwater? Didn't you know that therapy is perfectly acceptable and fine? And what happens in therapy, is you learn to understand not only what is wrong, but why, and slowly how to fix it. So that when you go out and make friends, it's not because you have to, to HELP YOURSELF, but because you want to, having gotten into a position where you've tackled the problems and are freer and less fearful.
I, likewise, wish Andrea luck, but go and get help. Why should you read dumb books and sit around trying to work the complexity of your own mind out? It's too hard. There is too much. You are too subjective. Let someone else do it for her, help you. It's truly liberating.
You one minute tell someone that "it's okay to be screwed up, I understand!", and then give advice that is completely impractical for someone who is locked up in a world of insecurity, isolation and self consciousness. HOW DOES THIS PERSON JUST SUDDENLY LAUNCH THEMSELVES UPON THE WORLD AND MAKE FRIENDS AND BE THE CENTRE OF ATTENTION? It sounds like you read too many Cosmopolitans and the like. Cut your teeth on Dolly magazine at first?
Your solutions call for Andrea to have tools that she patently doesn't have. But she takes your advice, fails, and can now just add that failure to the list, and wonder all over again, what is wrong with her that she can't interact with people, that they don't like her, etc. If it works for people like you, Mya, and not for her, who will Andrea blame? You? No, she will blame herself, and hate herself more.
And what is wrong with recommending someone to get professional help? Where are you from? What backwater? Didn't you know that therapy is perfectly acceptable and fine? And what happens in therapy, is you learn to understand not only what is wrong, but why, and slowly how to fix it. So that when you go out and make friends, it's not because you have to, to HELP YOURSELF, but because you want to, having gotten into a position where you've tackled the problems and are freer and less fearful.
I, likewise, wish Andrea luck, but go and get help. Why should you read dumb books and sit around trying to work the complexity of your own mind out? It's too hard. There is too much. You are too subjective. Let someone else do it for her, help you. It's truly liberating.
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