how do you prepare for the evening's performance?

Turn up 10 minutes past the call time just to see the stage manager panic a little, unpack the tipple of choice, pour a glass as a steadier, drink said glass, realise you haven't shaved or combed hair prior to leaving home, panic that you've left the white shirt that forms part of your costume at home on the spare bed, check bag, realise you HAVE left white shirt that forms part of your costume on spare bed, pour second steadier, drink second steadier, phone girlfriend and plead with her to pop round your house, pick up white shirt and drop to theatre, make mental note as you hang up that you've promised her dinner for carrying out this task, work on excuses as to why dinner this week is just out of the question, learn lines, break wind loudly, pour third glass, hide glass as stage manager appears from nowhere to announce half hour call, drink third glass, despair that you only bought the one bottle, greet Martin as he arrives, join with Martin in celebration that he bought a bottle along as well, celebrate with fourth glass, struggle to recall what play you are appearing in tonight, seek clarification from bemused fellow cast, borrow script and start revising, remember suddenly you've also forgotten your shoes for the fourth scene of act 2, phone girlfriend who is halfway to theatre and beg her to return home for said shoes, stifle giggle as fellow actors start their voice exercises, contemplate fifth glass but then again we don't want to go silly....there are two acts in this play after all, state your opinion that Pinter is brilliant so why the hell are we doing a Derek Benfield, eat all the snacks....ALL THE SNACKS!!!!, suggest that this evening it is your intent to do all your lines in a scottish accent in the style of a supervillain and that all lines will end with the statement "Mr Bond!!", hide fellow actors toothpaste in her offstage clothing.....with the cap off, convince Martin there is such a phrase as "One for the stage" and have fifth glass of wine, run and hide in toilet as stage manager asks for starters of which you're one. Okay, I lie. I turn up, look at lines, confidently state "I'll never screw that passage up", pace a bit, then walk on stage and screw up the passage I was never going to screw up.