Read Play English Begets

English Begets

By

Phillip McDonald  

 

 

Teacher:           Welcome class to your first English lesson.

                        Language without print is merely sound without form.

Now tell us something about yourself. 

 

Students:            Huh wa um ah dah na keh. Wah.

 

Teacher:           At least you have a good grasp of syllables. Remember the golden rule of writing is honesty. Our first exercise is to write a few paragraphs on

what English means to you. 

 

Students:         “ ~*# c ^!?x(Pow!)*d{<,>fx +#(-)= fk!!! ~o~(Wack!)*;t: btcih!”.

 

Teacher:           I’m ok; luckily my colon has plenty of padding. Yes well… your use of your one word vocabulary was well… well placed for maximum impact. Now, let’s turn our attention onto reading, shall we.

 

Students:            “*#~/`>*=” Huh, wat ya sa? Whr? Huh? Wah wah… - Hrrr.

I… can... jmup... pdduels… in my … lttlie... egnnie... taht… culod…

 

Teacher:           Your thirst for knowledge is plainly evident. Let’s work on our spelling, for it is the magic to open any door.

 

Students:         Oepn, saseme, undichperabble. Wah Wah.

 

Teacher:           Very good, slightly ajar. Now class could you please hand in last week’s punctuation assignment.

 

Students:         “ Look who’s tlkaknig, Mr Cpaiatl wlil satrt, and Ms aosprtphoe  wlil calfriy who blenogs wehre?And to whom is the qesuiton! xelciamed  Mrak cmomas, drwanig a braeth to say I hvae siad enuogh, flul sotp. Colon: And his brohter Semi; intrejceted impilacting a smumary of elaboraet centense devison.”

 

Teacher:           Excellent progress. Your improvement punctuates my breath. Now creative writing expresses your true voice.

 

Students:         The spoken word is what you say

                        on the out-side

The written word is sound on page

 from with- in

Thoughts shared is fluid ink

                        for your soul.

Teacher:

(Students.)       Brilliant as I expected. Now for the end of year honor roll call.

                        For you are no longer name without sound, ink without paper or  knowledge encrusted.

Helen, Helen Kellar are you here. (I hear ya, Miss Sullivan.) And Sheila Kellar are you present. (I am now I see Miss.) Guy Kellar, (I know, I know now Miss.) My there are an awful lot of you, aren’t there, oh and by the way thank you for the apples they are what keeps me coming back. Class dismissed. – NEXT! Albeeeeee!

 

END PLAY

 

ALBE – Adult Literacy Basic Education.

Wha Wha (water) were Helen Kellars first words.