Dreams, and now the scary part begins!

The funny thing about dreams is that they can drive us, frighten us, and inspire us to do what we are actually afraid to do. But the reality about dreams is that we really don’t expect them to actually happen to us. That is why they are dreams. And when they do begin to happen they torture us all along the process until when we finally come out the other side and have made them a reality the end result is that we have sensory overload and that we cannot feel anything at all. I can tell you this from a vast reservoir of recent dream fulfilment I personally have done. Furthermore in just four days time the theatrical company I recently founded with my adult daughter will perform its first show at the Fly by night in Fremantle. A dream I never thought would happen and I am extremely proud of even before it has happened. So I am taking the time to write this article to my future self so hopefully I can recapture some of the emotions I am experiencing right now. When the end result is still in doubt. Let me start at the beginning I am forty seven years old this year and at the end of 2007 I graduated from Curtin University with a Bachelor of Arts in Performance and Creative Writing. At the time this was the achievement of many long time dreams for me, university, acting, stand up comedy, singing even nudity on stage. All of it was done in such an incredibly short time. I had wanted to go to university when I was 18 but life got in the way and truthfully knowing what I know now it would have been a train wreck. I did not have had the focus or life experiences needed to complete the task and I would have failed spectacularly and then carried that failure with me for the rest of my life. Or maybe I would have had the time of my life and been a very different person today. Who knows? Instead I got into university at the very tender age of forty one. The idea of going to university at forty one initially seemed stupid and just outright impossible, but four years later there I was on the podium accepting my degree, the dream had been achieved. But where was that sense of achievement I had expected? The heavenly choir? The reality was that the practicalities of life and living had robbed me of that expected euphoric feeling. Instead all I felt was the need to sleep for a week and a general relief that now I had my life back. Day to day living had made it impossible to stop and smell the roses or any flowers at all. Yet here I am again three years from that date and I am about to achieve another much newer but no less important dream. Through a series of events and experiences I ended up now on the verge of what is most performers ultimate dream - owing my own theatrical company and having the creative freedom to do the shows I believe in. Even more importantly I am doing this with my daughters both being co-partners and both passionately involved. Really it should be one of the most amazing moments in my life. But what am I actually feeling right now? Fear actually, not about failing because I actually believe that in failing I have learned more and more about myself and the person I am than any of the success I have ever achieved. Failure is like a closed room it has a beginning and end aspect to it. You can decide open the room and fix it or you can close it for good and do something else. But success is another kettle of fish it is like knocking down the walls and then realizing how big the outside space is. It is a scary commitment. Succeeding means that if all goes well and the company and concept takes off then it will be another important relationship in my life. Like all relationships it will demand time, care, constant communication and passion. It will involve a commitment on part of my soul. Like all relationships creative relationships need and demand your constant attention and commitment. Which then cause those doubting voices in my head to start “Am I capable of this commitment and all it entails”. “There will be others involved in this dream will I let them down? Being not good enough or hurting ones I love plagues me no end. But the other side of the coin is I will be doing something I am proud of, with people who I love and many others who are as passionate and excited I am. There is no real downside, life is for living; and for these types of moments and I hope I can realize them all and appreciating them when they are happening to me. So what do say to my future self? Well future self as long as I can dream and go for those dreams then I am doing ok. I might be scared but being scared means feeling alive and this is why dreams are always worthwhile. Nov’el Cabaret Carnaval is a small arts company giving a new outlet to performers around Perth to show their weirder side along with what they can do to entertain. Nov’el Cabaret Carnaval’s first show “This is our Creature Feature” comes complete with crazed Mental Patients, Burlesque dancers, Mimes and a sad clown... You’ll be fine as long as you don’t mention Mimes to the Ring master. Principles of Nov’el Cabaret Carnaval – Mario Piccoli and Anne-marie Piccoli