You Know You Work in Community Theater if

Just something I found that was all too trueYou Know You Work in Community Theater ifyour living room sofa spends more time on stage than you do.you have your own secret family recipe for stage blood.you've ever appeared on stage wearing your own clothes.you can find a prop in the prop room that hasn't seen the light ofday in ten years, but you don't know where your own vacuum cleaneris.you have a Frequent Shopper Card at The Salvation Army.you start buying your work clothes at Good Sammies so you can buy yourcostumes at Myer.you've ever cleaned a Dinner Suit with texta.you've ever said, "Don't worry - we'll just hot glue it."you've ever appeared on stage in an outfit held together with hotglue.you've ever seriously considered not doing in the murder victimbecause the gunshot might wake up the audience.you name your son Samuel and tell him that his middle name is inhonor the French side of the family.you've ever appeared in a show where tech week is devoted togetting the running time under four and a half hours.your lighting director has ever missed a cue because he wasblinded by the glare from the sea of bald heads in the audience.you've ever appeared on stage in an English drawing room murdermystery where half the cast spoke with Australian accents and the otherhalf with (their natural ) English accents..you've ever called for a line -- in front of an audience.your children have ever begged you not to buy them any more HappyMeals.you think Neil Simon is a misunderstood genius.you've ever appeared in a show where the cast outnumbered theaudience.you've ever gotten a part because you were the only one who showedup for auditions.the audience recognizes you the minute you walk on stage becausethey saw you taking out the garbage before the show.you've ever menaced anyone with a gun held together withgaffa tape.you've ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing anevening gown and high heels.you've ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing anevening gown and high heels - and you're a bloke.you've ever played the father of someone your father's age.your kids know your lines better than you do.your kids SAY your lines better than you do.you get home from rehearsal and have to go back to the theaterbecause you forgot your kids.you've ever appeared in a show where an actor leaned out through awindow without opening it first.you've ever had to play a drunk scene opposite someone who wasreally drunk.you've ever heard a director say, "Try not to bump into thefurniture," and mean it.you've ever appeared on stage with people you're related to.you've ever heard the head of the set construction crew say, "Justpaint it black - no one will ever see it."your mother has ever greeted you after a performance with thewords "Don't give up your day job."you've ever appeared in a show featuring a flushing toilet soundeffect.the set designer has ever told you not to walk on the left half ofthe stage because the floor's still wet -- five minutes beforecurtain.you've ever been told your director has no eyebrows because hehandled special effects for the last show.