Overcomming Self consciousness

I'm a pretty shy person and i have diffuculty with overwhelming self consciusness in life but when i'm acting it's gone whether it be as a character or myself.

Anyway I'm after any advice for tackling this problem, its not a good way to go through life , I feel as if i'm watching my self all the time without being in tune to whats around me. The more I act with my immagination the more it goes but it keeps comming back when i stop using it.

Thanks

Sounds like you've already got an idea of a solution...

What is it about acting that let's you let go of self-consciousness? Maybe it's the rehearsal process?

Overcoming shyness in social situations might then just be a matter of practise.

Maybe it's expressing yourself through another character?

Perhaps you should think about entering your social situation in terms of how you would if you were the character you want to appear to be.



Also, self-consciousness isn't a completely bad thing...so you don't necessarily have to remove it all together.
Maybe that'll help make the problem smaller and easier to 'overcome'.

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Actually Craig, I'd completely disagree with you one one score. I think entering a social situation by presenting a character only perpetuates the problem. I know this from experience.

I am an essentially very shy person. People who think I'm a complete bitch (you know who you are) think so because I almost always appear aloof and unfriendly around people I don't know. I'm usually desperately trying to think of something to say and feeling like a complete tool. Most of my good friends hated me when we first met because they say I ignored them and came off as a snob. A lot of people have this problem and not always the people you'd think.

I tried to "act" like a person who was outgoing, to play the part of a friendly chatty type. Didn't work. Couldn't maintain the charade without a script and a director. I decided that they way I would tackle it would be to do the exact opposite; to just be completely me. I endevour always to speak with an authentic voice. To express myself from my gut and heart instead of from my head. It won't always make you the most popular person at the party, and occasionally you will offend people but if you committ to saying what you think, you always have something to say! And you find that you stop worrying so desperately what other people think of you.

Its hard but it really is worth the effort. Have you ever been dragged out to some social occasion you felt to nervous to go to, had someone approach you and start a conversation, then ended up meeting a whole bunch of new people and having a blast? Sometimes you just need to swallow the lump in our throat and give it a go, or you really miss out on a lot.

Anyone else seeking advice please see my self help book; "Sometimes life sucks. Deal with it." (Free smack upside the head with every purchase)

Good advice, Leah, and I take your point.

My points were really in response to how Soul was expressing the problem...as a character, they find they're not self-conscious.


Reading your response, I'd agree with you - the best approach is to be who you are. But if someone is really keen to CHANGE who they are, how do they tackle it? The character analogy might be helpful if they see the type of person they want to be, and try to act in that fashion.
'Giving it a go', as you said, and learning from experience...that's just another type of rehearsal, really.

Learning confidence and being comfortable in social situations, if you are very shy, might be a bit like taking on a new character, until you've 'rehearsed' it enough times that it starts to become comfortable.
But I think you've hit on the key is not to assume an outrageous character change which will only be seen as being fake: the outgoing personality you are trying to take on needs to be completely truthful to you...I guess really it's not a new 'character' you are creating, but a new 'script' or behaviour.



It might also be helpful to realise that the most outrageous or confident-looking people at a particular social gathering may feel self-conscious themselves in a group that is totally foreign to them....it's really just experience that breeds confidence, and then it still takes time to achieve comfort in a group.


And is self-consciousness much different to 'other-consciousness'? We sometimes worry too much about what others think or may expect...smack yourself with Leah's book and realise that in most cases, people aren't that concerned about how you appear after all - they're too busy worrying about how THEY appear to you.


Cheers
Dr Craig

One can act without being false to themselves. I think this is the goal here. Soul wants to achieve a social outcome. That's great. Self-confidence is the obstical in the way. God I know that feeling deeply.

I was incredibly self-consious early on. So how was that I have made a career out of teaching and a passionate hobby out of acting? Now it's a struggle to keep me OUT of the spotlight. LOL

Coming back to my original statement, one can "act" in a social environment without being false or unfaithful the themselves or anyone else. The acting in this case is not for performance purposes, but for yourself. As Craig points out, if someone wants to change then they have to push past their comfort zone (play a character) and act out who they would like to be. This, in my opinion, is a workable solution if you (as Leah points out) are faithful to yourself.

If it is simply a matter of, that's the way your are and want to be, then all the pretending in the world will not help you. However, if you feel that self-consiousness and fear are holding back your true potential, then by preparing yourself in the same way as you would before going on stage can, I find, really boost your energy levels.

I guess this is not so much actting as visualising a desired outcome which is exactly what I do in rehearsals and before a show. I am nervous before starting a class and doing a show. If I am not nervous then there is something wrong. I can channel that energy into persuing a goal. Social environments are no different.

So the question is, is this really changing your act or acting to change?

Jeff "Socially Inept" Watkins

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I think Soul, that youll find that most people are self conscious, as you can tell by the spate of replies.
Try not to use acting too much as a way of combating the problem, although it is fun it can lead to further complications in social situations.
Youll find that what ever you do though, self confidence comes from saying to yourself...
"I know who I am, and if people like me, fine thats cool, if they dont, thats fine too, but... I know who I am. Im not changing for anyone."

The end of the day, you can be whoever you want to be.. but yourself is usually the best.

Stay Real,
Jones

Shy... I used to be so shy that I couldn't even answer the telephone, I would hide behine people as I was introduced to somebody and could barely say a word to anybody... and now, well I'm known to most of my friends as being outgoing!

While not everybody would agree with me, the way that I overcame my shyness was to create a character that was the 'self' that I wanted to be. I stayed true to who I was, but the 'self' character was less self conscious. When people didn't seem to have a problem with the charater of me, it started to stop being a character and being the true me, but I was no longer so worried about what people would think about me...

I don't know how well I've explained it, but I hope this makes some sort of sense

I agree. This is clear to me as I did very much the same thing.

Ultimately, what is self-consciousness? Fear. A fear of something;
Of being talked about behind your back,
Of looking "Like a fool",
Of hurting another's feelings,
Of being mis-understood,
and so the list goes on.

Problem is that by acting shy and reserved (or introverted) you are more likely to achieve any or all of these outcomes. People talk about that snob over there, or how strange or foolish they are. By looking like a snob, you could inadvertantly hurts someone elses feelings, and you certainly are mis-understood as you give nothing to allow understanding.

Catch 22.

What is acting? I see it as a way of overcoming fear. Always nervous before going on stage, the challenge is to confront this fear and ultimately triumph over your own insecurities. This type of acting is being true to yourself as the fear factor is self-defeatist and not very satisfying. Great acting is full of a type of truth that comes from the actor. An actor is always doing one thing, selling themselves. It is different to pretending to be someone you are not. That is fantasy and is equally as unsatisfying as introversion.

Let's redefine this Soul. Don't act in the literal meaning, just overcome you fear and sell yourself. Act like Soul without fear.

You don't need to be afraid of yourself.

Jeff "Fearless" Watkins

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Brilliant Jeff. That's the phrase that would have answered Leah's objection to my initial answer. Rather than act like a random character, ...act like "yourself without fear".





"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."



Cheers,
Craig

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I am but a humble servant. ;-)

crgwllms wrote:
>
> Brilliant Jeff. That's the phrase that would have answered
> Leah's objection to my initial answer. Rather than act like a
> random character, ...act like "yourself without fear".

Jeff "Meek and Mild" Watkins

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Oh how I'd like to act like myself without fear! My problem is stage fright. Despite having performed a few times in front of people I still get extremely agitated for sometimes days before a performance. I can practice a song and do it perfectly an hour before going on stage, but once I'm up there, my mouth goes dry, I shake like a leaf and instead of enhancing the performace with adrenalin, I sabotage it. I can happily talk in front of people, give a lecture or an address, I even gave a eulogy once, but sing, when it comes to the song, it's like I'm totally exposed, like people can see right through me and I get through it, but it is never as good as I know it could be. Any tips anyone?

Al wrote:
>
> Oh how I'd like to act like myself without fear! My problem
> is stage fright. Despite having performed a few times in
> front of people I still get extremely agitated for sometimes
> days before a performance. I can practice a song and do it
> perfectly an hour before going on stage, but once I'm up
> there, my mouth goes dry, I shake like a leaf and instead of
> enhancing the performace with adrenalin, I sabotage it. I
> can happily talk in front of people, give a lecture or an
> address, I even gave a eulogy once, but sing, when it comes
> to the song, it's like I'm totally exposed, like people can
> see right through me and I get through it, but it is never as
> good as I know it could be. Any tips anyone?


Perhaps you can find a sympathetic 'test audience' - a couple of friends or a group of kids or anyone you can sing to where the stakes aren't so high and it doesn't feel like 'a performance.'

This might mean singing your song in an entirely different situation; while you're in the back seat of a mate's car, or while you're walking your dog down the beach....somewhere where you're getting used to singing with people around but there's no particular emphasis on them watching you or critiquing you and it doesn't matter if you just stop. What about singing at the top of your voice while riding a bike down the street? By the time people wonder what you're doing, you've already gone past, no one recognised you under your helmet and sunnies, and anyway it's not about them, it's about you getting used to singing in public.

It doesn't sound like your fear is of the actual singing, but of the exposure. Find some low-stress ways to build up your experience dealing with exposure, and you'll find it gets easier and easier.

Also, as a confidence thing, it might be worth recording yourself singing, and then letting select others hear the recording and give feedback. You can do your best effort by singing on your own, and then all you'll be exposing is a polished tape recording. If everyone likes what they hear, you'll know you'll have nothing to fear letting them hear the real you. And if they have some constructive feedback about what might be improved, you can work on that without the embarrassment of an 'Australian Idol judges feedback' scenario.


Once you can change "..having performed a FEW times in front of people.." into MANY times, you'll have learned enough through experience to be in control of your fear.


Cheers,
Craig

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