Auditorium crimes
Fri, 30 May 2003, 04:47 pmGill1 post in thread
Auditorium crimes
Fri, 30 May 2003, 04:47 pmI am living in London at the moment and am fortunate enough to be seeing lots of great (and not so great) theatre. I must say though that I am regularly quite appalled at the lack of theatre etiquette over here. I guess that's what you get with theatre for the masses; anyway, I thought you all might appreciate the following, which was borrowed from the Official London Theatre Guide Newsletter. Enjoy!
Theatre Etiquette:
Auditorium crimes
This week we round up the appropriate responses you should make to the gamut of Auditorium crimes:
Crime 1: Laughing too loudly.
Punishment: A controlled, firm, cough.
Crime 2: Coughing too loudly.
Punishment: A gentle headshake followed by proffering of hanky or similar nose linen.
Crime 3: Animated and audible conversation asking, for example: “what is Hamlet actually talking about?”
Punishment: a stern glance and, depending on duration, volume and banality of transgression, a short sharp SHHHH.
Crime 4: Unnecessary SHHHHing.
Punishment: unabashed mockery of offender during interval.
Crime 5: Any type of mobile phone-based interruption.
Punishment: While the impulse to physically murder the sinner may be strong, this should be avoided as it may lead to unnecessary staining of the auditoriumÂ’s upholstery. We recommend that all those disturbed by the bleeping monstrosity follow the phone-user back to their own house and stay there forever, performing raucous plays whenever they attempt to make a phone call.
Theatre Etiquette:
Auditorium crimes
This week we round up the appropriate responses you should make to the gamut of Auditorium crimes:
Crime 1: Laughing too loudly.
Punishment: A controlled, firm, cough.
Crime 2: Coughing too loudly.
Punishment: A gentle headshake followed by proffering of hanky or similar nose linen.
Crime 3: Animated and audible conversation asking, for example: “what is Hamlet actually talking about?”
Punishment: a stern glance and, depending on duration, volume and banality of transgression, a short sharp SHHHH.
Crime 4: Unnecessary SHHHHing.
Punishment: unabashed mockery of offender during interval.
Crime 5: Any type of mobile phone-based interruption.
Punishment: While the impulse to physically murder the sinner may be strong, this should be avoided as it may lead to unnecessary staining of the auditoriumÂ’s upholstery. We recommend that all those disturbed by the bleeping monstrosity follow the phone-user back to their own house and stay there forever, performing raucous plays whenever they attempt to make a phone call.