Chat Monday 6 April 1998

Just a quick note suggesting more Live Chat on Monday 6th April from 9 - 10pm.I will also be on for chat sometime between 4-5pm.Remember you can use this board to suggest your own times and topics.CheersGrant

Grant, You're back. How was Sydney? Where are the ITA website leaflets? Where is the course summary you were going to submit? I hope you're devoting the time you're not doing these things to Sharon. (That sentence sounds faintly filthy.)Also, where is everybody else? This site has been VERY QUIET for quite a while now. Hasn't anybody got anything to say?How about a joke? My sister just emailed me the following:>> O N E L I N E R S F R O M W O M E N>>>> 1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm>> not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. [Dolly Parton]>>>> 2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever>> see a smart woman with a dumb guy. [Erica Jong]>>>> 3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends>> told me she was in labour for 36 hours. I don't even want to do>> anything that feels good for 36 hours. [Rita Rudner]>>>> 4. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We>> can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. [Rita Rudner]>>>> 5. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. [Wendy>> Liebman]>>>> 6. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. [Erma>> Bombeck]>>>> 7. If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. [Sue>> Grafton]>>>> 8. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.>> [Roseanne Barr]>>>> 9. I think -- therefore I'm single. [Lizz Winstead]>>>> 10. "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men>> invade another country." [Elayne Boosler]>>>> 11. "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." [Maryon>> Pearson]>>>> 12. "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." [Gilda>> Radner]>>>> 13. "In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want>> anything done, ask a woman." [Margaret Thatcher]>>>> 14. "If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably>> choose Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the>> Virgin Mary." [Margaret Atwood]>>>> 15. "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine>> marriage and a career." [Gloria Steinhem]>>>> 16. "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." [Gloria>> Steinhem]>>>> 17. "I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at>> home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which>> growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat>> that comes home late at night." [Marie Corelli]>>>> 18. "Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." [Baroness Edith>> Summerskill]>>>> 19. "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?>> How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around>> your neck?" [Linda Ellerbee]>>>> 20. "I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep>> his house." [Zsa Zsa Gabor]OK, who can do better?lotsa luv liz

> Grant, You're back. How was Sydney? Where are the ITA website> leaflets? Where is the course summary you were going to submit? I> hope you're devoting the time you're not doing these things to Sharon.> (That sentence sounds faintly filthy.)hehe apologies for the delay, Liz - i've been working hard at casting L^3i'll drop off the ITA leaflets this weekend and should have a draft course summary for you at the same timei hope to post some more details about my Sydney trip tomorrowSharon? Sharon who? :)> Also, where is everybody else? This site has been VERY QUIET> for quite a while now. Hasn't anybody got anything to say?> How about a joke? My sister just emailed me the following:> OK, who can do better?> lotsa luv lizhehe*ever ready to rise to a challenge*Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for bakedbeans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhatlively reaction on him.One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that theywould marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with themarriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supremesacrifice and gave up beans.Shortly after that they were married.A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and sincethey lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would belate because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe andthe wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off anyill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and beforeleaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home heputt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of thetable and made him promise not to peek.At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as hiswife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again madehim promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answerthe phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted hisweight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rottenegg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fannedthe air about him.He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raisedhis leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, andsmelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while,hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a realblue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled anda minute later the flowers on the table were dead.While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, andkeeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this forthe next few minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. Whenhe heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap andfolded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture ofinnocence when his wife walked in.Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinnertable. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold andyelled,"SURPRISE!!!"To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around thetable for his surprise birthday party.CheersGrant