Where art thou Devil's advocate and Walter Plunger

Dear Devil and Walter... a little birdy gave me the nod ahead of time, cos I'm in the know about all things theatre, that a certain local writer slash pathetic director is going to be promoting the hell out of his own show on this very sacred site! The nerve of him to do so makes my skin crawl...to top it off, this show is some tacky little local written piece of excrement! No! I haven't seen it, but come on! We three know exactly what to expect! I don't know about you guys, but I'm almost gagging at the thought of reading the word BANNOCKBURN! The 'almost' true story, one month to go...yet, here I find myself strangely salivating, over this gilt edged opportunity to tear this cretin into the tiniest pieces of flesh...are you with me! Yes! I knew I could count on you both...by the time we've finished with him, he shall crawl amongst the wreckage that will be this play about Scottish Highlanders...perhaps we could gather outside the Phoenix Theatre on the 29th and 30th of April...or await the darling buds of May, and savour the 1/2/6/7/8/9 May to carve the beast...I await the call. yours in spirit Devalter