Notes From The Deep End: Select Your Venue From The Menu

Before continuing on with the pressing business of this particular blog, let me first say this. It is somewhat astonishing to behold (and a bugger to comprehend) the site of a director directing an actor in how to direct the actors playing mental patients pretending to be actors. It makes my brain melt just typing that previous sentence. Cuppa-Killer is able to negotiate this scenario with grace, poise and nuance- he’s done this before, it would seem. Beth is gleefully tearing through her lines, and Sonia and Diane are the composed foils to this bouncing being. This bit will rock. However, when it comes to keeping a stable routine together for rehearsals, Cuppa-Killer is as helpful as an ashtray in an asthma ward. Rehearsal schedules are bounced back and forth with addenda, amendments and revisions glued in place… until the next change. There is (ahem) “catching up” to be done, due to circumstances beyond our expectations, so the cunning ruse that shows us doing (ahem) “Full Runs Of The Play” for the 28 rehearsals is now blindingly apparent to all and sundry. These “runs” have been built in to protect the Ming Of Mings from any extra panics. And throughout all this, where is God??? He’s nowhere to be seen! He does indeed move in mysterious ways- invisible ones, mainly! Mind you it’s Sunday- the traditional Day of Rest… What else has Malks buggered up? Oh yes; the “where” of it all!! We have been ensconced recently in the autopsy theatre at the Nedlands Campus (the one right next to the canteen), and this has become the asylum for the cast of Cosi. However… not content with keeping the cast comfy, Il Directore has relocated us to The Bradley Studio! Cuppa-Killer has mentioned he favours the “morgue” by the canteen. He has his reasons; all of them suspect. I personally prefer the Bradley as it brings us closer to the theatre in both geography and vibe. And sensing this, Malks is therefore DUTY BOUND to play with our heads juuuuuust a little bit more! Only today do we receive notification from Il Directore that “we’re back at the Morgue, but I will let the other guys know in time…” Note the cunning use of the euphemism “in time”. This will undoubtedly result in half the cast arriving at the Studio wondering where the hell WE are… whilst we resort to breaking into the cafeteria, stealing the food set aside for the starving uneducable and drinking their stash of formaldehyde. It will undoubtedly be under the influence of these comestibles that we will FINALLY comprehend the Cryptic Crossword that Cuppa-Killer has devised to break up the play into “units”! No one understands this bizarre grid of black-and-white that is meant to denote which “unit” each character appears in, but I’m the only one who has the temerity to declare it publicly. So tune in next time to discover a) who rocked up on time; b) at which venue; c) who survived the expired meat products from the “Morgue”; and d) if I’m still a cast member after my previous heresies… El