I Finally took the Plunge - Audition Number 1 !!!!

Well I did it, my first audition in over 10 years!!! To start I am a 27 year old singer and my last audition was in 1997 for the Victoria State Singers which I did get into. I didnt need to audition after that as being in that choir I gave me the opportunity to perform all around the state, be apart of Carols by Candelight for many years and do a couple of T.V commercial. I stopped singing in 2003 as I was getting married and after a week of marriage I found out I was pregnant. Let me tell you the years just flew and after having my second baby last year my heart was just pounding to get back into my singing (well singing anything other the nursery rhymes!) In a previous blog I wrote that my fav. musical was RENT and how I would love to be apart of the show or at least see it, and got a response saying that there were auditions close to where I live. Well, i did it - I auditioned. I was so scared!!!!!!! A panel of 6 people staring at me, judging me, watching my every move. Two songs were required - one from a musical and a modern rock/rock ballad. I chose "I dreamed a dream" from Les Miserables and Avril Lavign "I'm with you". I wanted to do the Avril Lavign song first but they asked for Les Mis. I started off great!! I got all notes and sang from the heart even though I only got to sing half of it, but what I got was "Oh, I just wanted to see if you could actually get those notes" - how do you take that comment??? Well, it threw me off guard thats for sure. I mean yes this was my first audition in a very long time and yes it was the first audition for a musical for me but was I that bad?? Next was the Avril song and was told they only wanted to hear a little of it. I guess I was just so nervous that boy did I stuff it!! I struggled to get the notes - and yet I practised so hard!!! I was stopped after the first verse and was asked "Have you actually had any professional training?" - YES 6 YEARS OF IT!!!! Self doubt is so bad but to hear this what can you do. I was asked my singing range and that was it. I thanked the panel and left holding back the tears until I got to my car where I cried my eyes out. I know its good that you can question your performance but still that was the worst ever!!! The worst thing is though this musical RENT I cannot explain how it truly touches me. It speaks to my soul and I stuffed it!!!!!! Well, I got the rejection email the other day and I was just devistated. I know I didnt truly do my best as I let the nerves get to me but WHY????????? My first rejection and it was this!! At first, as stupid as it sounds, I was going to give up. Perhaps I just left it too late and its just not for me now. But as I was thinking this my heart was breaking, NO I cant give up. I have a dream and I cant let this get me down!! So I will try again - waiting for something to come up and I will be even more prepared. I will give it my all and see where it takes me. My singing has saved me in many ways that alot of people dont no about. When life was hard, when I was all alone it was singing and music that got me though, and it will help me again!!! :)