Repeat after Me

The Mantra of Community Theatre Directors everywhere (or perhaps one of them at least).

I AM LOOKING FOR MALE ACTORS! WHERE ARE THE MEN?

One show currently up and running, and auditions for a second "completed" this weekend gone. Now I face the challenge that any director putting on a large cast production where there are more than 3 men required must face. Hunting the males whom have displayed the usual lack of presence. So, what is required when hunting for Male Actors? Let's see;

• Binoculars (non-Government issue)
• High-tensile Rod with industrial strength line and micro-fibre grapple
• Horse Wrangling skills and a long rope
• Guide on "How to Con a Male"
• Guide on "How to Hypnotise your best friend"
• A list of females who know a few gullible men
• A team of very persuasive women to sweet-talk victims
• Hunting Knife, for intimidation
• Beer, for bribing
• If they are good with their hands, suggest that they could also help building the set...
• Complimentary Tickets for their partners (hmmm, no scratch that)
• Finally, when all else fails, a lack of Dignity...

<begs> I NEED A FEW GOOD MEN!!!!! </begs>